I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
