in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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