Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
