i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
