The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
