If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
