R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
