perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
