It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
