I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
