Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
