i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
