Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
