I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
