i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
