for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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