I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
