Pappa wants mamma naked
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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