Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
