dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
