I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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