and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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