Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
