Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
