i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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