Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
