Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
