Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
