i think my tv is drunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
