I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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