So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
