So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
