Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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