Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
