you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
