Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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