Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
