my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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