I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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