So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
