i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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