As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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