i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dignity is for republicans.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
