This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
