Whod you bang
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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