I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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