if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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