i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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