Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
