Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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