someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
