it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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