We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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