I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
