We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
