I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
